they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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