And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
