he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
