it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
