We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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