I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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