Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
