im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
