sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
