Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
