my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
