i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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