I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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