escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
