I wish I could teleport
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sobbing to NWA
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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