i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
