I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
