Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
