hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
