Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
