we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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