operation have a gay friend backfired
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
