I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
