No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
