if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
