im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
