I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just had sex on a roof
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
