I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
this will be a night to untag.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
