I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
