So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
