Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
