Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
please don't ironically join a cult
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