Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize