peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
