The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
