Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
