i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
