very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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