I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We're too hungover to prance.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
