you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
