we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize