we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
