"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
