ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
