i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
