There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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