if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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