I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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