you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize