i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
cat food counts as protein by the way
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
