Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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