Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think your dad took our porno
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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