THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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