Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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