ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
