You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
