Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize