he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize