okay pat passed out under dana's car
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
