I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
