remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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