Soap is not a condiment
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
