Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
