im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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