if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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