if i can run in heels then i can drive
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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