i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
