ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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